The Half Birthday Party Cra Cra Craze

Is this really where we are?  Is this really what we’ve come to?  Is this not the epitome of spoiled, over-indulged parenting?   I can’t wrap my mind around what we’re doing here…..is this really gonna be a “thing” from now on?   Yes.

Seems the latest cool thing to do is to celebrate half birthdays.  Now this trend has been around a while but its gaining momentum into the “widely accepted” arena.  Six months after your real birthday is your half birthday.  It’s another excuse to pamper and spoil your kids with the full blown party essentials and gifts so they have twice the days in the year when it’s all about them.  

Now we’re not just talking about those poor, deprived children whose birthdays are within weeks of Christmas (or any other big holiday) so that they get lost in the shuffle and feel their special day doesn’t get the pageantry it deserves.  We’re talking about everyone…everyone has a half birthday!

If you think hard enough you can come up with an excuse why they need this.  Even if they don’t have a December birthday.  Like, maybe, they have a summer birthday (terrible) and they don’t get to have cupcakes at school for their birthday like the other kids whose birthdays are during the school year. How horrible to have to have a summer birthday at the pool, in the sunshine….right?  Or maybe, they have a winter birthday and they like the pool idea, it’s just no fun being cold on your day.  Or maybe, little Johnny just didn’t get all the things he wanted on that last birthday.

 People, this is a made-up day!  You only have one birthday…. That’s why it’s called a “birth-day”. It is what it is.  Isn’t this just perpetuating the narcissistic attitude that kids seem to have in spades already?  They already have a “graduation” from every school grade from kindergarten through high school complete with all the parties and gifts. We already have potty training parties and first moon parties. 

They get trophies and ribbons for every athletic event they participate in, win, lose or draw. Now you can add to the “all about me” attitude of Easter, Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, beginning of school/end of school and Halloween with an extra birthday!  And don’t try to say that you will just switch to celebrate the half birthday only and not celebrate on the actual birthday….we know better than that; you’ll do both.  Because that’s why you’re doing it.  Ridiculous.  What’s next?  Quarterly birthdays?  A “coming out” party every time they lose a tooth??

Parents please… using the toilet or getting your period is not an achievement. It’s part of growing up, a rite of passage that everyone has to go through just like moving on to the next grade in school. Not everything in life is a trophy winning, cake eating, party hat wearing event.  If you treat everything like it is, your child’s actual note-worthy achievements pale by comparison and you raise kids that don’t understand why the world doesn’t celebrate everything they do when they grow up.

We don’t need this new generation to feel more entitled that they already do! It’s so over the top already.

I call BS!  Let’s get back to reality and teach kids to appreciate what they have and truly achieve. Not everybody can be the best….or the winner…or the birthday kid…. except when they are.

Playing Concierge

“These kids today”....right?  If you haven’t said it, you’ve heard someone else say it. 

I have a friend whose children order her around like she’s the help…. and she does it!  I’m not talking about cooking them dinner.  They tell her to “go get my shoes”, “take me to get ice cream”, “Buy me this or that”.

Children now more than ever, have an overwhelming sense of entitlement for anything and everything they see/want.  It starts very young when they see what other kids have and what is thrust in their faces on TV. It then leads to a feeling that they are left out and uncool if they don’t have everything everyone else has.

Who among us hasn’t experienced the screaming child at the checkout?  Mom usually gives in out of embarrassment to quiet the child down.  Unfortunately, if you give in to every want you create a behavioral monster.

We want to give our kids everything we imagined (or not) we didn’t have but is that the right thing?  Many parents seem to want to be their child’s friend more than a parent who is supposed to guide them. I hear parents all the time call their children “Buddy” or “Pal” as a form of endearment but there is an underlying truth there.  Most times the parent just wants to feel good about themselves and their parenting. They over indulge the child and think they’re making their kids like them.

Children also get a false sense of entitlement from being overly praised for everything, especially things they should be doing anyway. Children start to believe that they should get anything they want just for being them because they are so fabulous.

Sports teams foster that thinking every time they pass out ribbons or trophies to every child in the game/race. Parents are told not to say their child’s team lost; they should say they came in second.  PLEASE!  What happened to trying out for a team?  If you didn’t make it, you worked harder and practiced so you could try out again next season.

 

I have a girlfriend whose son, as a teen, would not take a first job at a fast food place unless they hired him as a manager. What? Really?

Parents are supposed to act like life coaches, not fairy godparents with credit cards. Children need to learn that things are earned, success is achieved and there’s value in trying hard to be good at something. It’s critical to challenge this entitlement in your kids when they’re little so they don’t grow up walking out into the real world where they will have to earn what they have, just like everyone else.

Talk to your kids, tell them the rules and stick with them. Giving and doing for your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent at all. Just think through the way you give things to your children. Start when they’re little. Give them options for ways they can earn the money they need to buy things they want. Help them be successful. That way, they can develop a sense of ownership and earned entitlement not false entitlement.

How do you approach this topic in your household?

Chores. Do they or don't they help out around the house?

Some of you may have seen this chart floating around on the internet recently sparking some talk on the mommy blogs and parenting websites about the topic of having kids do chores.  Should we or shouldn’t we, why and what is appropriate/beneficial to the child or household.

Lots of comments both ways but I find the ones in the “against” column fascinating…. In a train wreck sort-of way.   

A few days ago a Babble blogger wrote an article against having children do chores because (and I’m paraphrasing here) it’s just easier to clean the house myself because the kids don’t do a good job.

Wow, did you hear that?  Really? She didn’t even have to duck, right over her head! TOTALLY not the point of having children do chores….and there were lots of comments, believe me. (If you want to read it for yourself: http://tinyurl.com/ktr2ofn  )

My point is, I think that it is actually harmful to the learning process if you don’t have the kids do some chores. While I don’t agree with this particular chart (outdated and it has the child drying dishes, watering the plants and making beds before they can replace a toilet paper roll…what?),  there is nothing wrong with giving your kids things they need to do around the house which teaches them that the family is a team effort and  that everybody contributes plus they begin to learn responsibility, accomplishment, self-pride and that Mom is not their maid.  Is it really horrible to teach your kids to pick up their toys, appreciate them and learn to take care of them?  Is helping to cook and clean in the kitchen ridiculous?  They’re gonna need it as an adult. Will it hurt them to gather their clothes for the laundry or help Dad put tools away in the garage? 

If you start early, you may be able to avoid the kind of narcissistic children who grow up to be the lazy teens and young adults with that never ending sense of entitlement. 

So, should you make the kids do everything and become your personal slaves, of course not!  Age appropriate duties to contribute to your family? …Yes.  Each child is different... but you know what your kids are capable of and what’s important in your family. When they’re little, will they make a bigger mess trying to help? Certainly, but it’s all a learning experience, they’ll get it…..Will they complain about chores as they get older? Absolutely!... And that too is a right of passage.

Tell us what you think!

Taking your kids to Fast food restaurants, Good? Bad? Make up your mind!

A Manhattan father, in the middle of a divorce and custody battle, is in a fight this week over a decision he made regarding dinner with his son.  David Schorr is a corporate attorney turned consultant with degrees from NYU and Oxford University and has actually filed a lawsuit against the court appointed shrink for defamation because she told the judge deciding the case (between him and his estranged wife) that he is unfit because he refused to take his son to McDonald’s for dinner last week.

Schorr has had partial custody of his 4 year old son for the past two and a half years. The boy threw a tantrum when Schorr told him they could have dinner anywhere but McDonald’s or no dinner at all. Being stubborn, the child chose “no dinner” and after repeatedly trying to change his son’s mind about getting something to eat, to no avail, he dropped him off at his wife’s place where the boy tattled on his father causing the wife to phone the shrink.  In the suit, Schorr’s parenting skills are coming into question because of this incident.  The custody trial resumes in December when the judge will decide if Schorr is fit to parent his son.

Really?  Are we going to say his parenting skills are bad because he’s refused to feed his child greasy fast food?  Or is it because he failed to bow to his child’s temper tantrum?  Maybe it’s because he brought him back to Mom without dinner?  Is it some kind of abuse NOT to take your child to McDonald’s??  COME ON!

Does this Dad deserve a bad wrap for this? What do you think?

DJ Babes-a-Lot in the House

Have you heard about the new cool thing in Brooklyn for the 3 year old set? It’s a music mixing school allowing kids 1-3 yrs to try their hand at mixing electronic music, basically being their own DJ.

Sounds crazy right?  But it’s getting a lot of buzz. The class turns the kids loose on actual beat-mixing equipment. During the classes they learn to mix separate tracks to make their own music. The idea behind this is that very young children benefit from interaction with other kids and parents by developing their fine motor skills while being creative and appreciating music.  Some kids fine it very stimulating while others don’t take to it as well.

Baby DJ School, located in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, is the brainchild of seasoned DJ Natalie Weiss who is the founder and instructor. Her course is 8 sessions, each 45 minutes, for $200.  She hopes to take her classes nationwide.

There are the neigh sayers though. Some Brooklyn residents have said they think this is just another thing to do to try to seem hip saying, ” It’s cool because you can afford to pay $200 for it”.

The kids just like that they can touch the pads, sliders and knobs without hearing “No No”.    

For more information on these classes visit: http://redtri.com/new-york/baby-dj-school

 

 

If the price tag is a bit steep for you or you’re nowhere near Brooklyn, here’s a tip: There’s an app for the iphone/ipad called “Baby DJ” to get you started.

What do you think about this idea?  Ridiculous or ingenious?  Beneficial or attempt at status building?

At the Pool (or WTH?)

Now, I’m not the most prude person out there, but this weekend, as we’re lying out in the sun, at a public pool, I saw something I couldn’t believe. There were families enjoying the weekend, hanging by the pool, mom and dads, lots of kids and people in general.  What disturbed me was the child who looked to be 5 or 6 yrs old (girl) whose mom removed her bikini top and who spent the entire day walking around with no top on. I can see doing this with a toddler, say 2 yrs,  but certainly not a child as old as 5 or 6.

It’s not just about weirdos,  though they are out there. I feel there’s a need to teach your daughters that this is not acceptable once they are old enough to understand the concept.

This mom made sure there were towels for the child, she diligently put sunscreen on her and we even had our sunglasses…but somehow, no top was fine!?!  Do some people need help understanding appropriate? 

To add another dimension:  Does it matter if they were clearly German and may have different cultural ideas?

I clearly don’t agree with this but how do you feel about it?  Up to what age do you feel topless is OK with your daughters?

Tough Topics and keeping it Real

Sesame Street has never shied away from tough topics and now they are tackling the topic of a parent being incarcerated.  This is coming with some raised eyebrows and of course, some differences of opinion on whether this is appropriate for the age demographic of Sesame Street viewers.

On the one side, you’ll have the people that don’t or somehow can’t, talk to their kids about the parent, aunt/uncle/family member that is in jail and deal with that child’s feelings and worries. They appreciate and rely on show’s like this to help their children deal with and realize that this happens in some families and that they are not alone. They consider this a fact of life and approve of Sesame Street bringing this topic into the light and keeping it “real”.

The opposing consensus is that people need to deal with their family issues in their own homes. Talk to their children if this happens in their family and deal with it themselves rather than expecting a children’s show to teach their kids for them. This is not a fact of life in most families. Those against this type of programming would rather not have their kids watching and asking questions about topics they’d like to shelter their children from until they are older.

If you'd like to watch the video, it's here.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yk3SxyPW6lA 

Sesame Street has dealt with many other topics like death, bullying, academic success and divorce. What do you think?  Is the topic of incarceration something you want your children watching and asking questions about at very young ages?

What’s in a Name – The Art of Naming your Child

As the world waits breathlessly for the royal baby to be born, this week I read that many women in the UK right now are holding off naming their child because they’re waiting to hear what Kate and William will be naming theirs.  Apparently, over there, you have 6 weeks to name your child after birth and Kate is due any time now so they’re waiting to name their baby the same.

Seems kind of ridiculous to some of us over here maybe, but then again, we have celebrities recently naming their kids things like North and Blue Ivy… And, we have other people naming their kids after favorite celebrities too.

People come up with all kinds of clever and unique names. There are always the traditionalists who go for the family names or a mashup of two family members; my high school friend’s name was Joneva, a combination of her Mom and Dad’s name, John and Eva. You could always use a familiar name and just spell it differently.

Some name their kids after movie heroes, book characters or Disney characters. Some stick with biblical names or name every child starting with the same letter of the alphabet. Then there are the holiday names for a child born in December, Noel or Holly.

Then you get to the more unusual names. I worked with a lady years ago named Sundae Sweet. You’ve heard of people having the same first and last names…Chris Chris? Then there was the famous Texas daughter named Ima Hogg. Her daddy was the Attorney General and the Governor of Texas back in the early 1890’s.

Recently, there was the controversy over the parents in Jersey that named their children after prominent Nazi historical figures including Hitler. (read this story here).

There are also baby names that are against the law in other places…. (read this story here).

Every year the Social Security Administration puts out a list of the most popular baby names for the previous year. You can even find baby naming apps on line.

The bottom line is, people since the dawn of man have tried to give their children a sense of identity in choosing their names. We all want our boys to have a strong name and our girls a pretty name. All parents want to give their child everything and put their dreams and wishes into their beautiful new, sweet baby and his/her future. We choose names that make the family happy, us happy and hopefully our child happy. Naming your child is truly an art born of inspiration and love.

So, what’s in a name?....oh, just….everything!

New Baby Day Camp

A small group of youngsters sit in a circle around a pretend campfire. They watch as the procedure for changing diapers is covered and how to feed and hold a baby.  This class is a great idea for youngsters who are expecting a new baby in their household. It’s meant as a primer on what to expect when mommy brings the new baby home.

Most kids have no idea what having this new little person around will be like and they learn ways they can help out in the process and feel included. When they leave here, they will be certified big brothers and sisters.

Classes like this are sprouting up all over the states, usually in the larger cities, sponsored by hospitals, churches and women’s organizations. It’s a wonderful way to include your younger children and get them excited about having a new sibling.

This is awesome, they didn’t have that when I was a kid and Mom and Dad brought home this stinky brother of mine. J (He was born in December and I thought he was my Christmas present)

Election 2012 - Wicked Cool Baby Style

Now that the election is over, we can go back to life without all the political ads. Whether you’re Republican or Democrat, the months leading up to Nov 6 are taxing on everyone (pun intended). Even though the littlest “constituents” don’t really know what’s going on and they won’t be able to vote for years, judging from their little faces, they were OVER it!


Incidentally, the practice of “baby kissing” is believed to have started back in the time of Andrew Jackson and has survived, even flourished, through elections as a time honored way to get out the vote and gain public (women’s especially) support trying to get out a positive image. Today, it’s almost a superstition although there’s no case as to whether it helps or hinders.

Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis act out this humorous version of the cliché in this scene from a recent movie “The Campaign”, http://youtu.be/QKbziodzimo

As for Obama and Romney, they were both reported as being fairly ill-at-ease while holding infants and likely to hand the child back like “a grenade with the pin pulled out”.

So how about you? Does kissing babies make the candidates any more appealing or charismatic to you?

Halloween 2012 - No Tricks, only Treats!

Your kids will never know how different Halloween is for them than it was for us. Hours out by ourselves and our parents never worried. Did you take the pillowcase off your bed? Yeah, me too. Even though Halloween is different now, new traditions have started and we can still keep children safe while letting them enjoy the fun of dressing up and those wonderful treats.

Here are some tips on keeping your little ones safe:

1. Make sure costumes are the correct size, not dragging the ground. Masks should be easy to breathe in and see where they’re going. Accessories not to bulky, sharp or dangerous should the child fall. Light costumes are better and to make your child easier to see, they can carry a flashlight or wear glow sticks around their neck.

2. Keep the kids in groups and stay on the sidewalks. Always cross streets on the crosswalks and walked on blocks facing the traffic.

3. Have a plan before you leave the house and make sure you take a cell phone.

4. If your child is trick or treating accompanied by another adult, make sure they know who is in charge and are comfortable with the person. For younger children, the adult should accompany the child up to the door.

5. Teach children to stay in well lit areas, don’t take shortcuts, and only enter homes with your prior permission. Tell them never to approach a vehicle even if it looks empty and stay with the group.

6. Tell your kids if anyone tries to grab them, do everything, scream, kick and yell “This person is trying to take me!” or “This is not my Mother/Father!” to draw attention to themselves.

7. Consider attending home or organized community parties as a good alternative to trick or treating.

8. Always check your kids treats before they eat them. Throw away any candy not in its original wrapper or pieces that look like they’ve been opened or tampered with.

A little common sense goes a long way. Plan out your route and stay out of unfamiliar areas or dark alleys and parking lots. Have a fun safe Halloween!

Cursing children and F bombs

Just when you think they’re not paying any attention to what you’re doing or saying, playing quietly in the floor facing the wall, beware! Oh, they hear you, believe me, and they will bring that curse word back to life when its utterance will be the most embarrassing for you!


Scene: Four men standing in the garage, each holding an ice cold beer. The man that caught the winning fish of the day regaling his buddies with the “Fish story” of how, when and where he snagged this beauty. Several children and grandchildren riding trikes in the driveway and the 3+ yr old comes running into the kitchen where all us gals (family and neighbors) are chatting and yells, “Gramma, Gramma, Come look at the big f**king fish!” Grandma and the neighbor ladies suck in a deep breath as the cousins all bust up laughing.

Now, this is immediately a mixed message for the child (some laughing and some appalled) and while you have to admit, there’s something inherently funny about a very small child using a very adult word, it’s a teachable moment that you cannot pass up. Whether you are a never-ever kinda parent or the more lenient only-in-certain-circumstances type, a discussion is warranted.

Try not to react one way or another because that’s usually what the child is looking for, a reaction…but don’t ignore the situation. Pulling out a video camera is not the way to go if you’re trying to curtail the cussing but sometimes it’s a surprise:

Young children, up to 5 or so, most likely don’t know what the words mean so you can keep it simple and just tell them not to say it. Talk to them and give them an alternative word they can use to express what they are trying to say. With older children who can think more abstractly, you may want to further explain why they cannot use a particular word. Don’t go ballistic on them. Keep your sense of humor and move on. Remind those around the kids to check themselves.

Oh, and when your 5 yr old says, ”But I heard you/Daddy say it!”, you might want to have a response all ready… :)

Baby Sign Language

Many mom these days are using baby signs with their infants and successfully opening the lines of communication well before word skills are attained. Baby sign language allows children to use their hands to bridge the communication gap.

Most babies start to verbalize at around 4-6 months although at this point, it’s just babbling. The vocalizing will continue to progress as your baby’s “receptive” language builds where they can understand more of what you’re saying to them and will try to imitate sounds, around 8-12 months. Generally around 1 year is when you’ll hear their first words.

Studies reveal that babies can learn to sign starting at 8 months, with some starting as early as 5 months. In these studies, not only did it help babies learn to talk and jumpstart their intellectual development, a number of very important social-emotional benefits were also revealed:

1. reduces frustration

2. helps parents and teachers be more observant and responsive

3. builds trust between babies and their parents and caregivers

4. allows babies to share their worlds revealing just how smart babies really are

5. promotes positive emotional development

Some babies who start out signing actually learn speech faster. It’s a wonderfully bonding experience too.

So will you be trying this out? Check out the web for lots of information on the topic. Here are a few trusted sites to start you out:

Mayo Clinic website:  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/baby-sign-language/AN02127


Signing baby basics dictionary:  http://www.signingbaby.com 

...And a delightful video of a 12 month old signing quite a vocabulary on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gSZfW4gVhI