Playing Concierge

“These kids today”....right?  If you haven’t said it, you’ve heard someone else say it. 

I have a friend whose children order her around like she’s the help…. and she does it!  I’m not talking about cooking them dinner.  They tell her to “go get my shoes”, “take me to get ice cream”, “Buy me this or that”.

Children now more than ever, have an overwhelming sense of entitlement for anything and everything they see/want.  It starts very young when they see what other kids have and what is thrust in their faces on TV. It then leads to a feeling that they are left out and uncool if they don’t have everything everyone else has.

Who among us hasn’t experienced the screaming child at the checkout?  Mom usually gives in out of embarrassment to quiet the child down.  Unfortunately, if you give in to every want you create a behavioral monster.

We want to give our kids everything we imagined (or not) we didn’t have but is that the right thing?  Many parents seem to want to be their child’s friend more than a parent who is supposed to guide them. I hear parents all the time call their children “Buddy” or “Pal” as a form of endearment but there is an underlying truth there.  Most times the parent just wants to feel good about themselves and their parenting. They over indulge the child and think they’re making their kids like them.

Children also get a false sense of entitlement from being overly praised for everything, especially things they should be doing anyway. Children start to believe that they should get anything they want just for being them because they are so fabulous.

Sports teams foster that thinking every time they pass out ribbons or trophies to every child in the game/race. Parents are told not to say their child’s team lost; they should say they came in second.  PLEASE!  What happened to trying out for a team?  If you didn’t make it, you worked harder and practiced so you could try out again next season.

 

I have a girlfriend whose son, as a teen, would not take a first job at a fast food place unless they hired him as a manager. What? Really?

Parents are supposed to act like life coaches, not fairy godparents with credit cards. Children need to learn that things are earned, success is achieved and there’s value in trying hard to be good at something. It’s critical to challenge this entitlement in your kids when they’re little so they don’t grow up walking out into the real world where they will have to earn what they have, just like everyone else.

Talk to your kids, tell them the rules and stick with them. Giving and doing for your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent at all. Just think through the way you give things to your children. Start when they’re little. Give them options for ways they can earn the money they need to buy things they want. Help them be successful. That way, they can develop a sense of ownership and earned entitlement not false entitlement.

How do you approach this topic in your household?

DJ Babes-a-Lot in the House

Have you heard about the new cool thing in Brooklyn for the 3 year old set? It’s a music mixing school allowing kids 1-3 yrs to try their hand at mixing electronic music, basically being their own DJ.

Sounds crazy right?  But it’s getting a lot of buzz. The class turns the kids loose on actual beat-mixing equipment. During the classes they learn to mix separate tracks to make their own music. The idea behind this is that very young children benefit from interaction with other kids and parents by developing their fine motor skills while being creative and appreciating music.  Some kids fine it very stimulating while others don’t take to it as well.

Baby DJ School, located in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, is the brainchild of seasoned DJ Natalie Weiss who is the founder and instructor. Her course is 8 sessions, each 45 minutes, for $200.  She hopes to take her classes nationwide.

There are the neigh sayers though. Some Brooklyn residents have said they think this is just another thing to do to try to seem hip saying, ” It’s cool because you can afford to pay $200 for it”.

The kids just like that they can touch the pads, sliders and knobs without hearing “No No”.    

For more information on these classes visit: http://redtri.com/new-york/baby-dj-school

 

 

If the price tag is a bit steep for you or you’re nowhere near Brooklyn, here’s a tip: There’s an app for the iphone/ipad called “Baby DJ” to get you started.

What do you think about this idea?  Ridiculous or ingenious?  Beneficial or attempt at status building?

Tough Topics and keeping it Real

Sesame Street has never shied away from tough topics and now they are tackling the topic of a parent being incarcerated.  This is coming with some raised eyebrows and of course, some differences of opinion on whether this is appropriate for the age demographic of Sesame Street viewers.

On the one side, you’ll have the people that don’t or somehow can’t, talk to their kids about the parent, aunt/uncle/family member that is in jail and deal with that child’s feelings and worries. They appreciate and rely on show’s like this to help their children deal with and realize that this happens in some families and that they are not alone. They consider this a fact of life and approve of Sesame Street bringing this topic into the light and keeping it “real”.

The opposing consensus is that people need to deal with their family issues in their own homes. Talk to their children if this happens in their family and deal with it themselves rather than expecting a children’s show to teach their kids for them. This is not a fact of life in most families. Those against this type of programming would rather not have their kids watching and asking questions about topics they’d like to shelter their children from until they are older.

If you'd like to watch the video, it's here.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yk3SxyPW6lA 

Sesame Street has dealt with many other topics like death, bullying, academic success and divorce. What do you think?  Is the topic of incarceration something you want your children watching and asking questions about at very young ages?

Cursing children and F bombs

Just when you think they’re not paying any attention to what you’re doing or saying, playing quietly in the floor facing the wall, beware! Oh, they hear you, believe me, and they will bring that curse word back to life when its utterance will be the most embarrassing for you!


Scene: Four men standing in the garage, each holding an ice cold beer. The man that caught the winning fish of the day regaling his buddies with the “Fish story” of how, when and where he snagged this beauty. Several children and grandchildren riding trikes in the driveway and the 3+ yr old comes running into the kitchen where all us gals (family and neighbors) are chatting and yells, “Gramma, Gramma, Come look at the big f**king fish!” Grandma and the neighbor ladies suck in a deep breath as the cousins all bust up laughing.

Now, this is immediately a mixed message for the child (some laughing and some appalled) and while you have to admit, there’s something inherently funny about a very small child using a very adult word, it’s a teachable moment that you cannot pass up. Whether you are a never-ever kinda parent or the more lenient only-in-certain-circumstances type, a discussion is warranted.

Try not to react one way or another because that’s usually what the child is looking for, a reaction…but don’t ignore the situation. Pulling out a video camera is not the way to go if you’re trying to curtail the cussing but sometimes it’s a surprise:

Young children, up to 5 or so, most likely don’t know what the words mean so you can keep it simple and just tell them not to say it. Talk to them and give them an alternative word they can use to express what they are trying to say. With older children who can think more abstractly, you may want to further explain why they cannot use a particular word. Don’t go ballistic on them. Keep your sense of humor and move on. Remind those around the kids to check themselves.

Oh, and when your 5 yr old says, ”But I heard you/Daddy say it!”, you might want to have a response all ready… :)

Baby Sign Language

Many mom these days are using baby signs with their infants and successfully opening the lines of communication well before word skills are attained. Baby sign language allows children to use their hands to bridge the communication gap.

Most babies start to verbalize at around 4-6 months although at this point, it’s just babbling. The vocalizing will continue to progress as your baby’s “receptive” language builds where they can understand more of what you’re saying to them and will try to imitate sounds, around 8-12 months. Generally around 1 year is when you’ll hear their first words.

Studies reveal that babies can learn to sign starting at 8 months, with some starting as early as 5 months. In these studies, not only did it help babies learn to talk and jumpstart their intellectual development, a number of very important social-emotional benefits were also revealed:

1. reduces frustration

2. helps parents and teachers be more observant and responsive

3. builds trust between babies and their parents and caregivers

4. allows babies to share their worlds revealing just how smart babies really are

5. promotes positive emotional development

Some babies who start out signing actually learn speech faster. It’s a wonderfully bonding experience too.

So will you be trying this out? Check out the web for lots of information on the topic. Here are a few trusted sites to start you out:

Mayo Clinic website:  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/baby-sign-language/AN02127


Signing baby basics dictionary:  http://www.signingbaby.com 

...And a delightful video of a 12 month old signing quite a vocabulary on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gSZfW4gVhI

The Soundtrack of your Child's Life

We all know that it's a wonderful bonding time when a baby is born and he/she hears the sound of Mom and Dad's voice. It's comforting, bonding, nurturing and neccessary.

As they grow, it's good to be there, guiding and teaching as they move through their little lives exploring and figuring out what this world is all about. You want to protect them, keep them safe and honestly, never let go. As they learn to walk you want to tell them how not to stumble. As they talk you tell them what to say and what not to say.

And all that's is good, but there's value in the listening too. Let your child tell you what they think, how they feel. Watch them play with a new toy and figure it out instead of telling them how it works. Listen to music with them. Remove the high tech buzzing and beeping toys sometimes and just make mud pies together. At the end of the day, at bedtime, ask them what their favorite part of the day was.

You'll be amazed at what they think about, what they say and how insightful they can be. It's cool to see the world through their eyes and you will find that their little personalities always shine through!