Crowd birthing – All aboard, next stop, BIRTH!

The idea that some women want to bring 5, 8, 10 people into the birthing room, along with a live-feed video camera(s), is absurd to me, however, this has been gaining enough popularity that the term was coined, Crowd Birthing.

It’s been suggested that this new popularity began with Kourtney Kardashian’s birth video where there were 8+ people coming and going out of the room (not including the hospital staff).  Nevertheless, this seems to be an (un)natural progression of the teens and twenty-something’s idea of sharing EVERYTHING on social media.  Nothing is sacred anymore.  We’ve seen the Womb-tubers sharing the pee-on-the-stick moment and the first sonogram viewing parties.  Now we’re up to, “Let’s share birth with 800 of my closest FaceBook friends!”  What’s next?  Anyone up for a close-up circumcision video?

Aside from the obvious (to me) oversharing and TMI of doing this, there are other factors to consider. Too many people in the small confines of a birthing room can hinder the nursing staff and doctors from doing their jobs, most especially if there is a medical emergency.  Many hospitals have a limit to the number of people they allow in the room.  There’s a reason for that, not the least of which is that they don’t need the circus atmosphere of multiple unnecessary people talking and milling about.

You know, It’s not like on TV, this is not a glamorous process. It’s messy and exhausting and wonderful but you may not want to invite anyone you wouldn’t want to puke or poop in front of. I mean do we really need a live feed of your placenta?  SMILE, your vagina’s on candid camera!

The Half Birthday Party Cra Cra Craze

Is this really where we are?  Is this really what we’ve come to?  Is this not the epitome of spoiled, over-indulged parenting?   I can’t wrap my mind around what we’re doing here…..is this really gonna be a “thing” from now on?   Yes.

Seems the latest cool thing to do is to celebrate half birthdays.  Now this trend has been around a while but its gaining momentum into the “widely accepted” arena.  Six months after your real birthday is your half birthday.  It’s another excuse to pamper and spoil your kids with the full blown party essentials and gifts so they have twice the days in the year when it’s all about them.  

Now we’re not just talking about those poor, deprived children whose birthdays are within weeks of Christmas (or any other big holiday) so that they get lost in the shuffle and feel their special day doesn’t get the pageantry it deserves.  We’re talking about everyone…everyone has a half birthday!

If you think hard enough you can come up with an excuse why they need this.  Even if they don’t have a December birthday.  Like, maybe, they have a summer birthday (terrible) and they don’t get to have cupcakes at school for their birthday like the other kids whose birthdays are during the school year. How horrible to have to have a summer birthday at the pool, in the sunshine….right?  Or maybe, they have a winter birthday and they like the pool idea, it’s just no fun being cold on your day.  Or maybe, little Johnny just didn’t get all the things he wanted on that last birthday.

 People, this is a made-up day!  You only have one birthday…. That’s why it’s called a “birth-day”. It is what it is.  Isn’t this just perpetuating the narcissistic attitude that kids seem to have in spades already?  They already have a “graduation” from every school grade from kindergarten through high school complete with all the parties and gifts. We already have potty training parties and first moon parties. 

They get trophies and ribbons for every athletic event they participate in, win, lose or draw. Now you can add to the “all about me” attitude of Easter, Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, beginning of school/end of school and Halloween with an extra birthday!  And don’t try to say that you will just switch to celebrate the half birthday only and not celebrate on the actual birthday….we know better than that; you’ll do both.  Because that’s why you’re doing it.  Ridiculous.  What’s next?  Quarterly birthdays?  A “coming out” party every time they lose a tooth??

Parents please… using the toilet or getting your period is not an achievement. It’s part of growing up, a rite of passage that everyone has to go through just like moving on to the next grade in school. Not everything in life is a trophy winning, cake eating, party hat wearing event.  If you treat everything like it is, your child’s actual note-worthy achievements pale by comparison and you raise kids that don’t understand why the world doesn’t celebrate everything they do when they grow up.

We don’t need this new generation to feel more entitled that they already do! It’s so over the top already.

I call BS!  Let’s get back to reality and teach kids to appreciate what they have and truly achieve. Not everybody can be the best….or the winner…or the birthday kid…. except when they are.

Genetic Odds, Waiting and Tears

A pregnant mother and career cartoonist, illustrator and painter receives news that her and her husband both carry the genes for a chronic fatal disease. Lauren Weinstein and husband are sent to a genetic counselor.  It’s a scary time. This is the story of their wait told through her cartoons.

Follow along as this cartoonist and mother worries and hopes through the waiting to find out the results of their genetic testing.

http://nautil.us/blog/carriers-a-webcomic-on-health-luck-and-life

Playing Concierge

“These kids today”....right?  If you haven’t said it, you’ve heard someone else say it. 

I have a friend whose children order her around like she’s the help…. and she does it!  I’m not talking about cooking them dinner.  They tell her to “go get my shoes”, “take me to get ice cream”, “Buy me this or that”.

Children now more than ever, have an overwhelming sense of entitlement for anything and everything they see/want.  It starts very young when they see what other kids have and what is thrust in their faces on TV. It then leads to a feeling that they are left out and uncool if they don’t have everything everyone else has.

Who among us hasn’t experienced the screaming child at the checkout?  Mom usually gives in out of embarrassment to quiet the child down.  Unfortunately, if you give in to every want you create a behavioral monster.

We want to give our kids everything we imagined (or not) we didn’t have but is that the right thing?  Many parents seem to want to be their child’s friend more than a parent who is supposed to guide them. I hear parents all the time call their children “Buddy” or “Pal” as a form of endearment but there is an underlying truth there.  Most times the parent just wants to feel good about themselves and their parenting. They over indulge the child and think they’re making their kids like them.

Children also get a false sense of entitlement from being overly praised for everything, especially things they should be doing anyway. Children start to believe that they should get anything they want just for being them because they are so fabulous.

Sports teams foster that thinking every time they pass out ribbons or trophies to every child in the game/race. Parents are told not to say their child’s team lost; they should say they came in second.  PLEASE!  What happened to trying out for a team?  If you didn’t make it, you worked harder and practiced so you could try out again next season.

 

I have a girlfriend whose son, as a teen, would not take a first job at a fast food place unless they hired him as a manager. What? Really?

Parents are supposed to act like life coaches, not fairy godparents with credit cards. Children need to learn that things are earned, success is achieved and there’s value in trying hard to be good at something. It’s critical to challenge this entitlement in your kids when they’re little so they don’t grow up walking out into the real world where they will have to earn what they have, just like everyone else.

Talk to your kids, tell them the rules and stick with them. Giving and doing for your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent at all. Just think through the way you give things to your children. Start when they’re little. Give them options for ways they can earn the money they need to buy things they want. Help them be successful. That way, they can develop a sense of ownership and earned entitlement not false entitlement.

How do you approach this topic in your household?

Chores. Do they or don't they help out around the house?

Some of you may have seen this chart floating around on the internet recently sparking some talk on the mommy blogs and parenting websites about the topic of having kids do chores.  Should we or shouldn’t we, why and what is appropriate/beneficial to the child or household.

Lots of comments both ways but I find the ones in the “against” column fascinating…. In a train wreck sort-of way.   

A few days ago a Babble blogger wrote an article against having children do chores because (and I’m paraphrasing here) it’s just easier to clean the house myself because the kids don’t do a good job.

Wow, did you hear that?  Really? She didn’t even have to duck, right over her head! TOTALLY not the point of having children do chores….and there were lots of comments, believe me. (If you want to read it for yourself: http://tinyurl.com/ktr2ofn  )

My point is, I think that it is actually harmful to the learning process if you don’t have the kids do some chores. While I don’t agree with this particular chart (outdated and it has the child drying dishes, watering the plants and making beds before they can replace a toilet paper roll…what?),  there is nothing wrong with giving your kids things they need to do around the house which teaches them that the family is a team effort and  that everybody contributes plus they begin to learn responsibility, accomplishment, self-pride and that Mom is not their maid.  Is it really horrible to teach your kids to pick up their toys, appreciate them and learn to take care of them?  Is helping to cook and clean in the kitchen ridiculous?  They’re gonna need it as an adult. Will it hurt them to gather their clothes for the laundry or help Dad put tools away in the garage? 

If you start early, you may be able to avoid the kind of narcissistic children who grow up to be the lazy teens and young adults with that never ending sense of entitlement. 

So, should you make the kids do everything and become your personal slaves, of course not!  Age appropriate duties to contribute to your family? …Yes.  Each child is different... but you know what your kids are capable of and what’s important in your family. When they’re little, will they make a bigger mess trying to help? Certainly, but it’s all a learning experience, they’ll get it…..Will they complain about chores as they get older? Absolutely!... And that too is a right of passage.

Tell us what you think!

Taking your kids to Fast food restaurants, Good? Bad? Make up your mind!

A Manhattan father, in the middle of a divorce and custody battle, is in a fight this week over a decision he made regarding dinner with his son.  David Schorr is a corporate attorney turned consultant with degrees from NYU and Oxford University and has actually filed a lawsuit against the court appointed shrink for defamation because she told the judge deciding the case (between him and his estranged wife) that he is unfit because he refused to take his son to McDonald’s for dinner last week.

Schorr has had partial custody of his 4 year old son for the past two and a half years. The boy threw a tantrum when Schorr told him they could have dinner anywhere but McDonald’s or no dinner at all. Being stubborn, the child chose “no dinner” and after repeatedly trying to change his son’s mind about getting something to eat, to no avail, he dropped him off at his wife’s place where the boy tattled on his father causing the wife to phone the shrink.  In the suit, Schorr’s parenting skills are coming into question because of this incident.  The custody trial resumes in December when the judge will decide if Schorr is fit to parent his son.

Really?  Are we going to say his parenting skills are bad because he’s refused to feed his child greasy fast food?  Or is it because he failed to bow to his child’s temper tantrum?  Maybe it’s because he brought him back to Mom without dinner?  Is it some kind of abuse NOT to take your child to McDonald’s??  COME ON!

Does this Dad deserve a bad wrap for this? What do you think?

Tough Topics and keeping it Real

Sesame Street has never shied away from tough topics and now they are tackling the topic of a parent being incarcerated.  This is coming with some raised eyebrows and of course, some differences of opinion on whether this is appropriate for the age demographic of Sesame Street viewers.

On the one side, you’ll have the people that don’t or somehow can’t, talk to their kids about the parent, aunt/uncle/family member that is in jail and deal with that child’s feelings and worries. They appreciate and rely on show’s like this to help their children deal with and realize that this happens in some families and that they are not alone. They consider this a fact of life and approve of Sesame Street bringing this topic into the light and keeping it “real”.

The opposing consensus is that people need to deal with their family issues in their own homes. Talk to their children if this happens in their family and deal with it themselves rather than expecting a children’s show to teach their kids for them. This is not a fact of life in most families. Those against this type of programming would rather not have their kids watching and asking questions about topics they’d like to shelter their children from until they are older.

If you'd like to watch the video, it's here.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yk3SxyPW6lA 

Sesame Street has dealt with many other topics like death, bullying, academic success and divorce. What do you think?  Is the topic of incarceration something you want your children watching and asking questions about at very young ages?

New Baby Day Camp

A small group of youngsters sit in a circle around a pretend campfire. They watch as the procedure for changing diapers is covered and how to feed and hold a baby.  This class is a great idea for youngsters who are expecting a new baby in their household. It’s meant as a primer on what to expect when mommy brings the new baby home.

Most kids have no idea what having this new little person around will be like and they learn ways they can help out in the process and feel included. When they leave here, they will be certified big brothers and sisters.

Classes like this are sprouting up all over the states, usually in the larger cities, sponsored by hospitals, churches and women’s organizations. It’s a wonderful way to include your younger children and get them excited about having a new sibling.

This is awesome, they didn’t have that when I was a kid and Mom and Dad brought home this stinky brother of mine. J (He was born in December and I thought he was my Christmas present)

Top Ten Ways Daddy can Support Expecting Mommy

A little Top Ten List for the Expecting Daddy today-

#10.  Say, “I can’t wait” or “I’m so excited” – Even if you don’t feel it, say it anyway, pump up the enthusiasm, trust me on this.

#9.    Tell her she looks beautiful – There will be days she doesn’t feel it but it’s nice to hear.

#8.   Offer to rub her swollen feet – or her back, or whatever.  You have no idea how it feels to not be able to see your feet, much less reach them.

#7.    Ask what you can do for her – Pay attention to her needs, wants, and cravings.  Realize there’s little or no way she can control what is happening to her body and mind right now.

#6.    Step up and take some stuff off her hands – She got a lot to do to get ready and WAY less energy to do it with. Take on more of the household duties so she doesn’t have to choose between killing herself and living in squalor.

#5.   Agree with how she wants to decorate the baby’s room – Does the particular shade of blue matter to you anyway? And if she changes her mind and decides that Periwinkle would be better than Sky Blue, your response should be, “Of course sweetie, that’s no problem” and repaint with a smile.

#4.  Go to as many prenatal care appointments and birthing classes as you can – The response, “But honey, that’s my day to meet the boys at Hooters for lunch” is not the correct answer to hearing that her doctor’s appointment is scheduled for Wednesday noon.

#3.   Never say, “Ooooh”, “gross”, or wrinkle your nose at something related to the pregnancy - The doctors exam may seem weird and birthing movies she asks you to watch can be… uncomfortable… if you have to look away, do that, but please don’t say derogatory things, she may take it personally.

#2.   Plug in and generally participate – You got her pregnant, now you have to engage. Your job is not over, ever.

And the #1 way daddy can support expecting Mommy....

Be there for the labor -  Except for circumstances beyond your control, you must attend. There may be hours and hours of labor and it may seem like not much is happening for awhile but suck it up! Stay for the whole thing, beginning to end. When she’s really in pain she may yell at you, throw things at you and tell you to get the H*LL out. This is not your permission to leave. If you were in this much pain, you’d be screaming too.  Remember, this part is not about you!  … Oh, and don’t pass out.

Halloween 2012 - No Tricks, only Treats!

Your kids will never know how different Halloween is for them than it was for us. Hours out by ourselves and our parents never worried. Did you take the pillowcase off your bed? Yeah, me too. Even though Halloween is different now, new traditions have started and we can still keep children safe while letting them enjoy the fun of dressing up and those wonderful treats.

Here are some tips on keeping your little ones safe:

1. Make sure costumes are the correct size, not dragging the ground. Masks should be easy to breathe in and see where they’re going. Accessories not to bulky, sharp or dangerous should the child fall. Light costumes are better and to make your child easier to see, they can carry a flashlight or wear glow sticks around their neck.

2. Keep the kids in groups and stay on the sidewalks. Always cross streets on the crosswalks and walked on blocks facing the traffic.

3. Have a plan before you leave the house and make sure you take a cell phone.

4. If your child is trick or treating accompanied by another adult, make sure they know who is in charge and are comfortable with the person. For younger children, the adult should accompany the child up to the door.

5. Teach children to stay in well lit areas, don’t take shortcuts, and only enter homes with your prior permission. Tell them never to approach a vehicle even if it looks empty and stay with the group.

6. Tell your kids if anyone tries to grab them, do everything, scream, kick and yell “This person is trying to take me!” or “This is not my Mother/Father!” to draw attention to themselves.

7. Consider attending home or organized community parties as a good alternative to trick or treating.

8. Always check your kids treats before they eat them. Throw away any candy not in its original wrapper or pieces that look like they’ve been opened or tampered with.

A little common sense goes a long way. Plan out your route and stay out of unfamiliar areas or dark alleys and parking lots. Have a fun safe Halloween!

We Can’t be too Safe

Of course, I’m going to start this by saying I don’t ever remember this happening when I was a kid. Thank goodness. I’m sure it happened but it was much more rare. I realize then it was a simpler time but the world is getting scarier and scarier these days. Children being abducted. Not just when they wander off, out in the woods, playing in a vacant lot or behind a dark building, but on our streets, in front of the school, broad daylight, in our yards and right under our noses.

Today we fight it harder. We have tighter security at schools, neighborhood watch and other wonderful programs like the Amber Alert and it still happens. Parents have to be more diligent than ever, even if we’re busy, even if it’s inconvenient. Even if we’re lucky and it’s never happened to us or anyone we know.

Sometimes a miracle happens and the child is found unharmed as in a recent case in Toulon, Illinois where a 3 week old baby was found under a bridge within 24 hours of abduction.

http://www.fireengineering.com/news/2012/10/01/missing-baby-found-alive-and-healthy.html

Sometimes we don’t get the miracle that we pray so hard for, as in the case just this week in my area, Westminster, Colorado of Jessica Ridgeway, 10 yrs old, found dismembered, one week after her abduction.

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/10/12/14396130-body-found-in-colorado-is-that-of-missing-girl-jessica-ridgeway-authorities-confirm?lite

We used to leave Saturday morning on our bikes and not come home until 5 o’clock for dinner. That cannot be any more. That time is over. Never leave a young child alone, not even for a minute. Know where your children are and what they’re doing. Arrange for supervised play, escort to school and know the people that they'll be around.

If these stories don’t scare you, nothing will. If you send your kids out to play, go with them, play with them or grab a cup of coffee and sit on the deck. Keep a watchful eye on them. So what if the floor needs mopping or the laundry needs to be done, the floor can wait, your children can’t.

For statistics on the number of children abducted each year, visit the website for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children:

http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=2810#1

Cursing children and F bombs

Just when you think they’re not paying any attention to what you’re doing or saying, playing quietly in the floor facing the wall, beware! Oh, they hear you, believe me, and they will bring that curse word back to life when its utterance will be the most embarrassing for you!


Scene: Four men standing in the garage, each holding an ice cold beer. The man that caught the winning fish of the day regaling his buddies with the “Fish story” of how, when and where he snagged this beauty. Several children and grandchildren riding trikes in the driveway and the 3+ yr old comes running into the kitchen where all us gals (family and neighbors) are chatting and yells, “Gramma, Gramma, Come look at the big f**king fish!” Grandma and the neighbor ladies suck in a deep breath as the cousins all bust up laughing.

Now, this is immediately a mixed message for the child (some laughing and some appalled) and while you have to admit, there’s something inherently funny about a very small child using a very adult word, it’s a teachable moment that you cannot pass up. Whether you are a never-ever kinda parent or the more lenient only-in-certain-circumstances type, a discussion is warranted.

Try not to react one way or another because that’s usually what the child is looking for, a reaction…but don’t ignore the situation. Pulling out a video camera is not the way to go if you’re trying to curtail the cussing but sometimes it’s a surprise:

Young children, up to 5 or so, most likely don’t know what the words mean so you can keep it simple and just tell them not to say it. Talk to them and give them an alternative word they can use to express what they are trying to say. With older children who can think more abstractly, you may want to further explain why they cannot use a particular word. Don’t go ballistic on them. Keep your sense of humor and move on. Remind those around the kids to check themselves.

Oh, and when your 5 yr old says, ”But I heard you/Daddy say it!”, you might want to have a response all ready… :)