Taking your kids to Fast food restaurants, Good? Bad? Make up your mind!

A Manhattan father, in the middle of a divorce and custody battle, is in a fight this week over a decision he made regarding dinner with his son.  David Schorr is a corporate attorney turned consultant with degrees from NYU and Oxford University and has actually filed a lawsuit against the court appointed shrink for defamation because she told the judge deciding the case (between him and his estranged wife) that he is unfit because he refused to take his son to McDonald’s for dinner last week.

Schorr has had partial custody of his 4 year old son for the past two and a half years. The boy threw a tantrum when Schorr told him they could have dinner anywhere but McDonald’s or no dinner at all. Being stubborn, the child chose “no dinner” and after repeatedly trying to change his son’s mind about getting something to eat, to no avail, he dropped him off at his wife’s place where the boy tattled on his father causing the wife to phone the shrink.  In the suit, Schorr’s parenting skills are coming into question because of this incident.  The custody trial resumes in December when the judge will decide if Schorr is fit to parent his son.

Really?  Are we going to say his parenting skills are bad because he’s refused to feed his child greasy fast food?  Or is it because he failed to bow to his child’s temper tantrum?  Maybe it’s because he brought him back to Mom without dinner?  Is it some kind of abuse NOT to take your child to McDonald’s??  COME ON!

Does this Dad deserve a bad wrap for this? What do you think?

Men in Distress, Crisis TV

A new TV show series on Lifetime aired their first episode yesterday, called “The Week the Women Went”. Did you watch this? It’s a reality type show where TV cameras descend on a whole town in South Carolina and tape what happens when they remove all the women over 18 yrs old and leave the men to fend for themselves and their children for 1 week.

Now, I’m not a huge reality fan and I don’t believe for a second that none of this program’s pandemonium is pre-planned but it is VERY entertaining none the less.

The men have to take care of everything from the toddlers beauty pageant and running their wives businesses to the everyday get-the-kids-fed-bathed-and-to-sleep that every mom deals with all the time. Some have babies, some are dealing with school aged children and some have teenagers giving them problems.

It’s funny to see expressions on the husband’s faces that can only come from dealing with unreasonable children and toddlers. They are fish out of water and many have the glazed over eyes already and we’re only into the first day! It promises to be a rollercoaster series indeed.

To see Lifetime’s official “The Week the Women Went” page;

http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/the-week-the-women-went

On a side note: I was appalled to see one dad giving his 3 year old daughter coffee (simply because she asked) and mentions that they (parents) do this all the time and that she loves It! Stay tuned to the post, “Should I be giving my child coffee (or any other adult beverages)?”

Creative Discipline

There are times when you have to think out of the box when doling out punishments with your kids. As you know, not all kids respond to the same things.


Case in point: I knew a certain 8 yr old that was familiar with being sent to her room when she acted up against her little brother. This had become so common (and she had apparently weighed the pros and cons many times) that she wouldn’t even hesitate, she’d just pop him one and head off to her room.

Obviously, this punishment didn’t serve to curb the behavior and Mom had to come up with something more effective. All children are different and sometimes you have to get ‘em where it hurts; what’s most important to them.

Seems cruel though, when you have to take away the birthday party they were to attend next weekend when they’ve been waiting weeks and all their friends are going. Maybe that is a bit stiff for saying a bad word or talking back….BUT maybe it’s about right for heavier infractions like lying or physically hurting other children.

This Mom has decided her creative punishment is a bad attitude jar. http://tinyurl.com/7bp88ay


I’ve known parents that actually ask their child what the punishment should be for what they’ve done…..amazingly enough, most times the kids are actually harder on themselves. Whatever you do, don’t say things like,” You’re never going to the movies again!” or “I’m not making you dinner anymore if you’re not going to eat it!” in the heat of the moment. It’s obviously something you can’t uphold.

Think it through at a time when you’re not mad. What would “speak” to your child most effectively? You know them best after all, so what punishments work for your kids?  -- Donna *WCB

Truth of Consequences

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve mentally counted along with the mother standing in the grocery line telling her 4 yr old to stop doing whatever he’s doing….1….2….2 ½…. Whose idea was the counting thing anyway? Does it ever work? I’ve never seen it work. I’ve seen kids say, ”3-4-5!” I’ve seen kids laugh and run…I’ve even seen kids stand there staring and waiting to see what’s gonna happen. You know why? Because whatever the parent is counting to is not readily apparent to the child because the parent hasn’t been consistent. The child has no concept of consequences. The counting thing has become a countdown of I’m-getting-ready-to-say-no.

Who decided we shouldn’t punish our kids or get angry when they misbehave? (I’m not talking about spanking or abusiveness) Age appropriateness comes into factor, for sure. As they get a bit older and can understand when told not to do something, aren’t we supposed to parent them in, well, life. After all, there are consequences to everything we do in life until we die. You’re just preparing them when you set boundaries and rules they have to abide by.

Children who learn that rules need to be heeded early on are better behaved in civilized society. We had rules growing up, everyone does. You know, like don’t run with scissors, no drinks in the formal living room, don’t let food fall from your mouth onto the floor purposely, no throwing toys at people, no running around restaurants like it’s romper room, no screaming because you’re not getting your way, no drawing on the walls, I can go on and on. The point is, yes, most times I followed the rules when I was little because I didn’t wanna make Mom and Dad mad. But I didn’t like the consequences of breaking the rules. Believe me the rules were very concise and presented a “clear and present danger” if we didn’t follow them. I already knew what would happen if I chose the opposite because my parents were consistent. And trust me, there was no counting.

I’m also not talking about making your kids scared of you. Make the consequences…. very undesirable. Take the birthday party next weekend away or remove something from their day that they really like. If you’re going to give in once the rules are set, you’ve already lost the battle. Let’s face it, it’s hard to raise children. With most kids, you’ll only have to punish them a few times before they realize you’re serious the next time you tell them not to do something. Then you can leave the counting for your toddler learning his numbers.

The Shot heard 'round the Parenting World

Early in February, A father at the end of his rope with his teenage daughter, takes things into his own hands and makes a short video in response to his daughters FB post (to all her friends, family and acquaintances) lamenting how hard her life was and how unfair her parents are to make her do chores without paying her, saying, “I’m not your slave!”


You can see the original video posted on you tube here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU

As you can imagine, this video has totally gone viral and there are cheers and jeers alike when the comments are coming down; most on the side of the dad. (just for the record, I commend him).

I realize this has some to do with teen angst and rebellion but it makes me think about parenting and the way problems should be nipped long before it gets to this point, you now, when the kids are much younger. Children need guidance and boundaries from the time they are old enough to understand them. Rules are a moral imperative and it’s the parents job to not only set them but explain why they exist. They should always, of course, be age appropriate, but there’s nothing wrong with teaching you kids that chores are a part of life and are there so everyone contributes to the family and home.

Trust me, you’re not taking away their play time or innocence by having rules and chores. You’re guiding your child to co-exist in the real world, learn responsibility and have empathy for the people/family around them. Children who don’t learn this are self centered, disrespectful and spoiled. It’s very difficult to introduce rules and chores later, down the line when they’re older if they’ve never had to do these things before….

Think it over, in the mean time, we’ll discuss kids earning things they want instead of mom and dad buying them everything on another post for another day.

And to the frustrated dad in the video; everyone who has ever shared oxygen with a teenager feels your pain. A+ for doing what you have to do to get their attention.

The "No" factor

We’ve all seen the Jimmy Fallon commercial for Capital One, probably multiple times, with the baby that says “No”. He’s cute (and the baby is too :) ) but any parent whose youngster has learned the word “No”, knows how annoying it can be to hear it over and over relentlessly.



So what do you do to get them past this stage? First, know that this is normal. As your child becomes more independent and has their own ideas, they can physically resist what they don’t want and they learn the word “No”. They may also ignore you, run away from you and deliberately do what you tell them not to. They are just trying to express themselves. So what can you do?

Try changing the situation: if your child is hungry or tired, deal with that first and make sure bed times and meals are consistent.

If this is a new situation: Give them time to adjust to one change before introducing another.

Encourage cooperation: Be specific as to what you want and tell them what to do instead of what not to do. Teach them the words to express their feelings and don’t be confusing.

In the end, keep it in perspective. Don’t get upset, your stress won’t help. Take a break and reduce your own anxiety. They call it the terrible twos and most children gradually become more cooperative on their own between 3 and 4 years.

It’s a normal part of growing up, all you have to do is make it through those “no” years. And remember, learning to say “no” is important and when they’re older, you’ll want them to be able to say “no” in the right situations.

Do your kids behave better for other people than they do for you?

Most parents have experienced this and asked themselves this question. Why does little Johnny follow the rules at other peoples houses but goes ballistic and throws a tantrum as soon as we leave? Why is little Mary an angel for the babysitter and then trips an emotional whine-fest the minute you get home? Makes you crazy sometimes, right?


I think for most kids, it’s the fact that they aren’t totally comfortable with the “alternate care-givers” and don’t feel free to let it all hang out. They know how they’re supposed to act and can keep it together for the time being, things are new and interesting in their environment and consequences are virtually unknown so they don’t push the envelope as much.

Familiar can be the challenge, but familiar is also the safe place with Mom and Dad where they can work out their little mental personas and how they fit into their world and the people around them. The great news is you get to see all the wonderful aspects of their little personalities when they are comfortable with Mom and Dad. Stuff the other people don’t always get to see. The intimate bonding stuff; the warm cuddly, huggable stuff……the parental reward stuff.