Truth of Consequences

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve mentally counted along with the mother standing in the grocery line telling her 4 yr old to stop doing whatever he’s doing….1….2….2 ½…. Whose idea was the counting thing anyway? Does it ever work? I’ve never seen it work. I’ve seen kids say, ”3-4-5!” I’ve seen kids laugh and run…I’ve even seen kids stand there staring and waiting to see what’s gonna happen. You know why? Because whatever the parent is counting to is not readily apparent to the child because the parent hasn’t been consistent. The child has no concept of consequences. The counting thing has become a countdown of I’m-getting-ready-to-say-no.

Who decided we shouldn’t punish our kids or get angry when they misbehave? (I’m not talking about spanking or abusiveness) Age appropriateness comes into factor, for sure. As they get a bit older and can understand when told not to do something, aren’t we supposed to parent them in, well, life. After all, there are consequences to everything we do in life until we die. You’re just preparing them when you set boundaries and rules they have to abide by.

Children who learn that rules need to be heeded early on are better behaved in civilized society. We had rules growing up, everyone does. You know, like don’t run with scissors, no drinks in the formal living room, don’t let food fall from your mouth onto the floor purposely, no throwing toys at people, no running around restaurants like it’s romper room, no screaming because you’re not getting your way, no drawing on the walls, I can go on and on. The point is, yes, most times I followed the rules when I was little because I didn’t wanna make Mom and Dad mad. But I didn’t like the consequences of breaking the rules. Believe me the rules were very concise and presented a “clear and present danger” if we didn’t follow them. I already knew what would happen if I chose the opposite because my parents were consistent. And trust me, there was no counting.

I’m also not talking about making your kids scared of you. Make the consequences…. very undesirable. Take the birthday party next weekend away or remove something from their day that they really like. If you’re going to give in once the rules are set, you’ve already lost the battle. Let’s face it, it’s hard to raise children. With most kids, you’ll only have to punish them a few times before they realize you’re serious the next time you tell them not to do something. Then you can leave the counting for your toddler learning his numbers.